necessity of unambiguous failure

I remember well an interview I once had for a job. I felt prepared. I wanted it. I'd rehearsed answers. 

 

But why I remember this interview (among other interviews) is because it was unambiguously the worst interview I've ever given in my life.

 

I could feel it in real time soon after I walked in the room. Something was off ... with me. My responses to the questions didn't connect. My anxiety spiked. My usual remedies to quell these feelings didn't work. My countenance spiraled. 

 

In a word, I stunk. 

 

A mentor of mine was one of the observers for that interview. He later told me: "Sometimes our true selves don't always show up when we want them to." 

 

I didn't get the job.

 

It devastated me to miss out on that opportunity. I thought it'd be mine, and it wasn't. 

 

In preparation for other opportunities, I tried to salvage some usable maxims from that bombing to prepare myself even more. I wanted to improve the odds on my true self showing up in the future. It felt horrendous to endure that experience. But it motivated me to improve -- in ways that I wasn't aware of beforehand -- how I interview. I daresay that crashout set me up well for future successes.

 

No one wants to genuinely, unironically fall short of expectations. But everyone should do so sometime.

 

Nothing teaches grace, grit, moxie like truly coming up short

 

The breakup you feared the most and worked so hard to avoid (but it happens anyway); there's no way to learn hard and necessary lessons of love without it. You may think you'll never heal, but you will.

 

Giving (what you thought was) your best on an exam and seeing how much more is required of you to do well. Yeah it sucks. And -- it's the fastest way to learn how to do better. You may think you'll never improve, but you will.

 

Trying out for a team or a group. Preparing yourself, giving your all ... only to see your name not on the list of those accepted. It sucks. And it's clarifying.

The earlier you experience some failure in life, the more inoculated you are against despair when future setbacks occur. 

 

Resilience really only comes by shooting your shot, it not being enough, and then waking up the next day and realizing it's not the end of the world. The earth spins on. A surefire way to understand that your fears get overblown is this: to experience a nightmare situation full blast, and then to realize how much it didn't destroy you like you thought it would.

 

Don't hear what I'm not saying. I'm not saying you have to posture some zen-like, toked-out indifference to falling on your face. It hurts. It's healthy to admit it hurts, and to be upset about it. But in time, the hurt fades. You get back up, internalize some lessons, and give it another shot.

 

Humbler. 

 

Hungrier. 

 

More disciplined.

 

Wiser than before.

 

"Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as his children. For what children are not disciplined by their father? If you are not disciplined—and everyone undergoes discipline—then you are not legitimate, not true sons and daughters at all. Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of spirits and live! They disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, in order that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it." -Hebrews 12:7-11