venom

Of course I wanted to hurt him.

 

He'd hurt me.

 

I didn't just want to hurt him, though. I wanted to deliver hurt in such a way that he'd cower from any idea of crossing me -- ever again.

 

The venom of retribution -- of vengeance -- glided through my emotional veins; I fantasized about how delicious it'd feel to drop the hammer.

Oh, the sweet taste of over-delivering on "justice."

 

You know how this is. If someone slaps you across the face, your immediate, desired response wouldn't just be to deliver one slap back. It'd be to deliver a slap, a punch, a kick, and who knows what else.  

 

But God would have me handle this differently. A part of me doesn't like this; I hoped to offload this venom in some way. But another part of me knows that's wrong.

 

Let's get a few truths clear: the God of the Bible doesn't expect you to absorb evil, and wrong, and pretend it didn't happen. It's normal to be angry about stuff that angers. And yet, nor does God empower us to personally repay evil done against us with more evil (if we're the victims of a crime, this means we don't steal a car because our car was stolen. We report our car stolen, and let authorities handle it from there).

 

So where does that leave us?

 

If you don't know, the Psalms in the the Bible are basically song lyrics. These songs would be sung together by that ancient community. You've probably heard some of the happier psalms. But that's not all there is.

 

There are sad psalms. And there are also angry psalms.

 

For example:

-"Contend, O Lord, with those who contend with me; fight against those who fight against me! ... Draw the spear and javelin against my pursuers!" -Psalm 35

-"O God, break the teeth in their mouths ... let them be like the snail that dissolves into slime..." -Psalm 58

- "...blessed shall he be who repays you with what you have done to us!" -Psalm 137

 

There are more examples, but you get the idea. The wild thing about song lyrics (any song lyrics, really) is that they can (over time) teach us what to do, how to act, how to relate to one another.

What I appreciate about these angry psalms even being in the Bible: it gives us permission to feel angry. God wants us to express our anger together about injustices, and wrongs, and evil. And also, the Psalms definitely acknowledge the desire for vengeance. The Psalms acknowledge our innate desire to see --with our own eyes-- someone answer for the wrongs they've caused.

The big difference is that the Psalms sing on and on about having the Lord answer for any evils done to his people. The above psalm examples are part of a common trend: asking God to deal with injustice. Asking God to deal with those who've wronged us.

This teaches us to release our thirst for vengeance  -- not for the sake of "being nice", but with the resolute trust that God saw what happened, and that a just and righteous God will answer for us. They (and we) may not get to see God dealing answering on their behalf, but we can trust that God wants us to ask him to do this.

For me, this relieves me. 

 

It's not that my wanting payback is wrong because it's wrong. It's that my personal pursuit of payback is wrong because that's for God to handle, not me. It's fair to want, and to ask, God to deliver retribution on my behalf. That's what we should do with our hatred, our desire for vengeance.

For what are you hoping for retribution? For payback? For vengeance? Maybe it's time to ask God to step in and handle this for you. At least, that's how the psalms would sing it.