parade fail

Be gracious with yourself. Take your screw-ups in stride.

I once participated in an Independence Day parade-I was 16 years old. My simple task was to sit in the back of a pickup truck and toss candy to roadside parade watchers. The parade kept a manic pace; sometimes we'd idle for a few minutes. Other times, our truck would have to zip along to catch up.

A few blocks into our route, I spotted this girl I knew from school (she was watching the parade). It would be fair to say I was interested in getting to know her better. Maybe I was also interested in asking her out on a date at some point.

'Ah ... here's my chance to make a glorious impression,' I thought. My quickly-concocted plan: I could hop off the side of the truck, say hi and give her candy, and then keep moving with the parade ('Gotta run; I'll call you later!!'). Then, I could indeed call her later, continue chatting ... and perhaps ask her out on a date.

Seldom do plans this good come together this effortlessly.

'Let's roll,' I said to myself, swinging my legs over to hop off the side of the idling truck.

At that same moment, it lurched forward to keep with the parade pace.

It's quite astounding how, in an instant, good plans turn to rot. Instead of hopping off this truck, I was now falling off this truck.

Thankfully, I did not hit the road face-first. Instead, I sorta ... belly-flopped onto the street, about five feet in front of this girl (and her friends who were all watching with her).

Until I fell out from nowhere, she hadn't noticed my participation in this parade. She for sure noticed now. The sting on my chest from hitting the pavement mirrored the sting of mortification I felt because I'd just wiped out before her very eyes.

It suddenly no longer seemed like the ideal time to chat. I'd just fallen off the back of a truck in front of her, and the parade continued moving. So I gasped out, 'Hey ... [lands on roadway] Oww!! ... Well, good to see you! Here's some candy -- gotta go!', and hurriedly shuffle-limped off.

Smooth. 

At that time, I felt unfathomably embarrassed.

At that time, I hoped no one witnessed what had just happened. At that time, I felt like I'd just socially kicked myself right in the teeth.

Perhaps, as you're reading this story, you're also remembering a time when you endured a similar embarrassment. Those moments stick in the memory bank. 

But at this time? It's one of my favorite stories to tell on myself.

If I'd face-planted out of a truck in front of my best friends, we would have laughed, and kept on laughing until we cried.

Slowly but steadily, I've come to learn that I can't totally trust my gut feelings about myself. I often overreact to my own screw-ups, and assume the worst fallout. In the moment, I seldom extend the grace to myself that I eventually will settle into later. I've learned that a lot of the time, my dear friends have a clearer view of me and my worth than I do.

Screwing up is a part of life. It happens to me. It happens to you.

Anyway, blessings on your day today. 

Perhaps you can reflect on some of your past screw-ups. Your perspective could be kinder now than it was before. That's the wiser posture to hold. Try to laugh at yourself when you can, and as your friends would laugh, from a place of love and warmth -- that's where much of grace resides.

ask for help? are you insane?

I don't like asking for help. You don't like it either.

 

Behold, a smattering of excuses I've used to avoid asking for help in (various) situations:

 

-"I don't want to be a burden"

-"I don't even know where to start with what I need"

-"They won't take care of this for me in the way I want it taken care of, so I'll just do it myself"

-"People are all so busy, I hate to add on more thing to anyone's plate"

-"They can't help by bringing/making me food because they don't know how to deal with my allergies"

-"I don't want to then deal with all the questions"

-"One time I asked for help and that person who said they would ended up letting me down, so I'm not going to do that again"

-"I don't want to owe anyone any favors"

Does this sound familiar? Do you abhor asking others to help you? Would you rather punch yourself in the face?

Of course.

 

Even though so much publicity and messaging exists to reassure you that getting help doesn't make you a freak or weak --

-- you still reflexively recoil at the thought of asking someone to help you. I do too. It's sufficiently ingrained in this age that we avoid such entanglements.

 

Yet it's hard to find a more anti-Christian, anti-human credo to attempt to operate by than "I shouldn't need anyone's help."

Please hear this, with love: many people do want to contribute and assist you in your success. But you (and I) make it hard to do if you (and I) never let anyone lend a hand. 

In a weird way, asking a friend for help serves them. 

When I grant others the honor of showing their care for me, that blesses them. Being able to show unselfish, unconditioned love for another person fulfills. It reminds me (and you) that letting others help widens my (and your) trust for them, and vice versa.

Truth is, we can't do everything by ourselves. We profess to understand and to heed this axiom, but in reality, we attempt to instead do 98% by ourselves. We heed the technicality of this truth, but not the spirit of it.

So ask for help. Start small, and start with someone you trust. Admit what you don't yet know instead of trying to fake it. It's how people get stronger, and how trust grows, and how the world should work.