adult-ing comes in pieces

Imagine having to put together a puzzle, but the pieces would come to you in the mail over the course of a few years. That's sort of like what becoming an adult feels like.

If you're hoping to wake up one day with knowing how to buyacar-fixalight-ironyourclothes-writethankyounotesontime-cookameal ... it's not going to happen like that. It's the slow accumulation of useful knowledge, almost always by experience.

In college, I did not know how to effectively study. I hadn't learned how to write a timely thank-you note. I did not know what questions to ask for when opening a savings account. I didn't know how to interview for a job. I didn't know the best way to paint a room, or how to make good coffee. I didn't know how to say no to stuff I didn't want to go to. I didn't know how to not overbook myself. I didn't know whether to use nails or screws in a woodworking project. I didn't know how to remove a tick. I didn't know how to change a flat tire, or how to jump-start a car. I didn't know how to put a shelf up on a wall. I didn't know how to build a charcoal fire (without the aid of copious amounts of lighter fluid).

The kicker was that every day I trudged on with this idea that there was just so much stuff I should already know by now, but I didn't. Therefore, if I felt like I was behind, that meant I was behind.

My pastor likes to say that you have to be 21 years old before you can be 25. By that, he means that it's unrealistic for anyone to expect to have the wisdom of someone older without also experiencing what that older person has experienced ... that being the slow accumulation of skills and lessons. There's just no short-cutting. Wisdom, as understood in Scripture, is something that accrues, and that no one comes into this world possessing.

Cut yourself some slack -- you're learning, and you'll learn. All that stuff and more I didn't know how to do college, I know know how to do.

It may be really hard to notice, but bit by bit, you've been getting those puzzle pieces in the mail.

you don't want your dream job (yet)

How we sometimes picture how our professional lives will roll out:

 

After graduating from college, we'll land a sweet gig/dream job at a company or organization we love and with whom our values wholly align. 

 

OR, after college, we have graduate school. 

 

BUT once we're done with graduate school, THEN we'll land a sweet gig at a company or organization we love and with whom our values wholly align.

 

Nope.

  

Sorry not sorry for bursting this bubble, but it needs to happen. 

Don't hear what I'm not saying. I'm not saying you'll never land that dream job. But right out after school? Odds are slim. And trust me: you would not want it that fast. Getting too much, too soon can often work against you.

So what'll it actually be like for you? You'll probably meander around in a few different roles, maybe for a few different organizations, before landing in a place where you can drop some roots. 

Like barnacles that attach to a ship hull, you'll pick up useful and random skills along the way that will help you to know. Some jobs won't be your dream setup, but for the time you have them, they'll serve some sort of useful purpose. You have more to learn. We continue gathering skills after college, slowly but surely adding to our professional (metaphorical) toolbox.

But why didn't your parents or family pass to you this nugget of reality and wisdom? 

 

It's probably a matter of innocuous timing. If your parents gave birth to you during this time of their lives, you were too young to remember its details and the grind. But ... if you came along after this time of their lives, then you grew up in the time of their professional journeys where they're a bit more settled; a bit less frenetic. Adult-ing comes in stages.

 

You don't want your dream job (yet) because you want to be ready for it when it does happen. You're not ready yet. You probably won't be ready for that job right out of school, and that's typical. The job will you have will have its fun parts and not-as-fun parts, and that's OK.

 

Having it too early would be like giving a baby an orange to eat. 

If they haven't yet grown teeth, they won't be able to enjoy the food.

 

The Biblical model of humans in life is NOT peaking in your 20's, and then a gentle downhill slope from there. It's growing slowly but surely, and peaking much, much later.

So please: adjust your mindset, and your pace. You're running a marathon -- not a sprint -- and you're only two miles in. Pace yourself, see what's around you. You've got a ways to go. You've got stuff yet to learn. That's how it should be.