begin the begin

Ready, set ... wait to start? That's not how it goes.

Life successes almost always begin boring, unremarkable, unnoticed, ordinary. Making a change is like that sometimes. What are you waiting for? What's it gonna take for you to take that tiny step forward?

See, a friend of mine recently announced that she's been sober for more than seven years -- a sensational accomplishment! That's 2,556 days in a row -- WOW.

It got me to wonder ... how would it be if *every day* in that first year, she sent her friends a self-celebratory message: "Hey y'all ... I haven't had a sip of alcohol in FOUR  days!!!" ... "Fifteen days without a drink, go me!!"

Seven years choosing sobriety? That reeks of prolonged, accrued success ... grit ... determination.

Four days, or two weeks of choosing sobriety?? It's a good start, but it's not the same kind of grit as the seven years.

Yet here's the thing: to get to seven years sober, my friend had to get past four days sober. Actually, she had to get past a lot of four days sober.

It illustrates a timeless truth of life: extraordinary feats are quite often ordinary routines followed for an extraordinary swath of time. And starting toward such accomplishments is almost always marked by a ho-hum, yawn-worthy, nobody-paying-much-attention sort of beginning.

Hear me out: in 1995, MLB Hall of Famer Cal Ripken broke the baseball record for consecutive games played. He ended up playing in 2,632 consecutive games (each regular season is 162 games).

But the start of this record was a May 30, 1982 game in Minnesota. Cal's journey began with few people watching. He couldn't know that his next time off would be ... 15 years later! It was just another day doing the ordinary routine.

Similarly, my friend's first few days of sobriety weren't much different: she went to work, just the same. Brushed her teeth in the morning, just the same. Let the hangover fade away, as she'd done before. Folded her laundry, just the same. Texted with her friends, as usual. There were easier days, and more challenging days. Every day was another day of choosing an ordinary -- but preferable -- alternative to taking a drink.

So ... what are you waiting for?? What's it gonna take for you to take that tiny step forward?

MAYBE you'd like to stop an unhealthy habit, like checking your phone when you're with people.

Sharing gossip about acquaintances and friends. 

Biting your fingernails.

Spending money you don't have.

Choosing familiar pain over unfamiliar hope.

Skipping class.

Going to that website that you know is toxic and debasing.

Reaching out to someone that you should probably let go.

Selling yourself short.

Odds are you have an array of unhealthy habits you'd like to stop. So pick one!

Or, MAYBE you'd like to begin a healthier practice, like taking a walk every day to exercise.

Flossing. 

Putting your clothes away right when they come out of the dryer.

Praying while you walk to class.

Choosing to drink water instead of soda at meals.

Finding new ways to interrupt your anxiety when it tries to take over.

Telling your friends and family that you love them with more regularity.

Binging a bit on the wholesomely funny show from your childhood.

Telling the truth instead of the half-truth.

Going to the gym twice a week.

So ... what are you waiting for?? What's it gonna take for you to take that tiny step forward?

Of course, now's not a good time for a variety of reasons. It's true. But right now is as just as inconvenient as any other future time. Turn and face the light. Yes, you will stumble, and trip, and not do it perfectly. Discipline takes time, a bit of boredom, and some fumbling attempts at patience with yourself. You'll get there.

The start of anything worth doing usually feels ordinary, ho-hum.

Today's just as good of a day as any. Get out of your own way. 

Begin the begin, all over again.

boredom is a friend we need

 

Boredom kinda seems like that acquaintance/friend you’ve met once or twice, and the conversation kinda lagged. Then you’re both invited to hang with mutual friends, but everyone bails except you two … so you hang out, even though you don’t like spending time with boredom. You're not sure how it's supposed to go, how to keep the conversation going. And the passing of the time downshifts from the speedy hum of wireless ... to that clunkiness of analog.

Boredom kinda seems like that it recognizes that song that points out our aversion to it: “Why are you so petrified of silence … here, can you handle this?!? [SILENCE for a few seconds] Did you think about your bills, your ex, your deadlines, or when you think you’re gonna die / Or did you long for the next distraction?” Many of us seek out that next distraction … attending our eyes from computer screen, to smartphone screen, to computer screen, to tablet screen, to smartphone screen, all the day through. Raise your hand if this is also you (it's not totally your fault ... these devices are purposefully designed to perpetuate this behavior).

There’s this phenomenon where, during the night hours, we can hear AM radio stations much, much farther away from their signal source. It has to do with the refractive layers of the ionosphere being higher from the earth's surface at night than the daytime. I see this as a canopy over the earth, being lifted higher on cue every night ... to open the windows of the sky and let fresh air in, as it were.

I sometimes imagine our inner reality in this way ... when we're hustling to avoid having to hang out with boredom (because we prefer our familiar distractions) there's so much to find to attend to, and accomplish, to peruse. Deadlines. Projects. Catching up. Staying in touch. Watching that show. Deleting old emails {(then reading old emails you were supposed to be deleting). Cleaning your room. Cleaning your car. Responding to those texts. Checking back in with the parents. (Slightly) rearranging the closet. Such mundanities can keep that canopy from being lifted beyond where we prefer.

But when boredom lifts our inner canopy, there's this whole other kind of mulling, discerning, heart pondering that can occur. The questions tend to be less deadline-driven urgent, but just as important.

Is this relationship good for me and what I want, long-term? 

Am I doing what I'm doing because I'm trying to please (or appease) others, or is this what I want to do?

Why do I wear this shirt, even though I don't like it that much? 

Why did that friendship of mine fall away, and what role did I have in that? 

Whoa, where the heck is that smell coming from? 

How can I open myself up more to people, to make new friends? 

How can I relate differently to my family? 

How can I resist fear and anxiety from unduly limiting my life choices?

Seriously, what is causing that smell?? That's kinda nasty.

How do I tell my friend how proud I am of her?

What am I thankful for today?

Boredom allows space for these questions so we can meander about with them -- the canopy lifted so any weightiness isn't so compressed it's knocking us over. 

Boredom doesn't demand immediate answers, or immediate fixes. Boredom can help show us how to be around ourselves. It invites into the places of ourselves we don't often explore. It helps us get used to a more sustainable pace of living (because really, that life pace you're trying to keep up with? You know that won't work long-term). We're created not just to do, but to be. There's more to us than what we've done, where we've failed, where we've succeeded, who our parents are, where we come from.

So here's to boredom as a friend we need, among other friends.

With this, my hope and prayer for you is that when boredom sends that text that it wants to hang out ... you sometimes invite it over to hang out, and then set aside the screen in front of you for awhile. Y'all can kick around some of these important questions that life's deadline urgency always pushes aside. 

And while you're at it, figure out where that smell's coming from.