anatomy of a college friendship

Heard a song in an Instagram reel this morning, put my dear, old college friend Vicki to my mind. So I texted her the reel.

Immediate reply: "Love me some Savage Garden!"

I couldn't tell you whether that's her most favorite band -- I just know she loves them. You know how friends will just happen to say the one thing to you that sticks forever in your brain? Her telling me that she loved a particular song of theirs ("Crash & Burn") sticks forever in my brain.

"When you feel all alone, and the world has turned its back on you / give me a moment please, to tame your wild wild heart"

How do lifelong friendships start? 

For Vicki and I, friendship started because we both joined the same college org as freshmen. She came from Colorado. I'm sure we initially met at a party on some weekend night, but those details are (understandably) hazy.

The nowhere-else-in-nature-does-this-regularly-occur sort of closeness one forges with peers in college sure helps. The crowds and friend groups tend to ripen large during freshmen year. Eventually, they start to pare down -- by circumstance, by graduations, by different paths -- by choices. As life pared down, we noticed that we were both around still.

"Let me be the one you call

If you jump I'll break your fall

Lift you up and fly away with you into the night

If you need to crash then crash and burn

You're not alone"

Life in college tosses in hairpin turns that take the shape of heartache, of re-routed dreams, of loved ones dying, of dreams dashed. But it also tosses in times of incredible hilarity, dignified silliness, unforgettable laughs, poignant love, and assured camaraderie. 

I know it was Vicki who once pranked me by applying plastic cling wrap around my dumpy college car so thoroughly that I couldn't open the doors. 

And she knows it was me who toilet papered her house one night -- those were some tall trees to climb to get those toilet paper rolls up as high as we wanted. 

Through either, times come when someone needs a friend, and a friend stays close. At varying times, Vicki would choose to stay close for me. At other times, I would choose to stay close for her. We've attend each other's weddings, had many many conversations over the decades, shared tears and laughs. 

In college, Vicki held politely firm to her inclination that my college girlfriend wasn't a suitable enough match for me, and you know ... she was right. Thank God for V's wisdom in that. 

You learn to trust those who you can totally be yourself around, who've seen you at your lowest (and highest) and still show you light. There's a sort of friend sticks with you closer than a brother, the proverb says (Prov. 18:24, for those keeping score).

Anyway, Vicki became and is still one of those people for me. Her undertone giggle when she hears something funny, her mere presence, her wisdom, the uncomplicated way she's stood with me and been my friend ... it still all means the world.

"When you feel all alone, and a loyal friend is hard to find

Let me be the one you call" 

And for you? 

If you're reading this, you might not yet know who such people will be. As freshmen, Vic and I knew of each other. We weren't yet close friends, nor particularly on our way to becoming that. Odds are fair that your version of this person is someone you've met, but with whom you're not yet close.

It's fascinating to think of who -- among the people you regularly see now -- will become this! The future awaits you in ways you cannot fathom.

So I pray for you all, of course I do. Among these prayers, I pray that your eyes remain wide open and alert for who God will put in your life in this way, these people that would become such life friends. The gift of friendship is one of the great blessings of God to us.

"Friendship is not a reward for our discrimination and good taste in finding one another out. It is the instrument by which God reveals to each the beauties of all the others." -C.S. Lewis (The Four Loves)

Crash & Burn - Savage Garden